Monday, January 18, 2010 Y 7:46 PM
THOUGHT: One way or another it gets learned .. the hard way or the easy way (where you listen to Elaine xD )If I could speak Korean ...
Dear Anonymous,
I am quite frankly, very aware of your discontent towards my personal relationship. However, I will not apologize for the things that have happened and I will not apologize for the things you are holding against me. I want you to know that I love him and that whether you approve or not we will have a future together. He means everything to me. Don't tell me it's temporary because I'm young or that I'm being blinded by hormones because love isn't defined by your age. A baby can love his mother, an 8 year can love his best friend and a 17 year old can love her boyfriend.
I truly only want what's best for him and I know you want the same. However, the difference between me and you is that I don't decide what actually is best for him. The picture and the expectations you have formed in your mind may be great and may be an amazing future, but it's not his future just because it's a
good plan. That's not how life works. He's 17 now and you need to learn to trust him. You may not feel like he's earned the trust but if you don't give him the ability
to earn your trust then how are you ever going to trust him. He is well past the age where he can start making his own choices and he is at the age where the choices he makes are crucial for his future. It's not your job to tell him what decisions to make. It's your job to point him in the right direction and to comfort him when he makes the wrong one. You're not there to reprimand him but to support him. You can't just wait around for him to slip up, you should be waiting for him to succeed. But he has to do this by himself. He wants to do this by himself. If he didn't want to .. then you'd have a very needy almost 18 year old and that should be a concern. Not the ambitious, optimistic almost 18 year old.
You cannot keep pushing him. After all these years you should know by now that pushing him, he will only become more distant. He's tried lying, and he's tried sneaking around. He doesn't want to have to anymore. He's a different guy and you have to stop holding his past against him. He wants you to see him differently and you need to give him the opportunity or else he'll just give up and you'll lose him. Just trust him, let him open up to you, let him show you what he wants and let him show you who he can be. I know you'll be surprised.
In faith, sincerely,
ElaineChan
