Tuesday, December 8, 2009 Y 4:10 PM
THOUGHTS: Sometimes the world really is against you and all you can do is hide away in your room where nothing can go wrong until the cloud disappears. You just can't control everything. It is hardly ever going to go exactly as you planned. It'll never be what you expected. So sometimes, you just have to go with it and set your expectations low. Nobody's perfect. You're not perfect. So don't expect it.
You know what my question is? WHY THE HORMONES? What in the world is the point of going through all these changes and all these hormones that like to fuck with your emotions? I understand the whole "developing the body" and shit but does it have to fuck with your brain too? I can't tell whether my emotions are mine anymore. The happiness and the joy I don't care about. It's the shitty emotions that make me want to crawl in a hole that I hate. It's the ones that bring tears to my eyes that I want to get rid of. There is no purpose. They have no foothold.
Just wanted to say as a side note ... I wish I could tell you myself. Obviously we're not close and I have no business in your business ... but I want you to know that I know you're very confused right now and hurt and it's okay. I've been there and you're not superwoman. Don't let him use you and don't let him control you. I know his happiness is important to you but your happiness shouldn't come second. If you're not happy it has to change. You can keep telling yourself that as long as he's happy you're happy but that's not the way it works. It's just a matter of time before you realize that. I also know that when you're with him it just makes everything more confusing. That's why right now, you need to be alone, you need to be your own person and figure out what you want. When you know, and once you've decided, don't change your mind when you talk to him because then, you'll be betraying yourself. Stop doing what's best for him and do what will make you happy.
