Thursday, November 12, 2009 Y 10:37 PM
THOUGHT: Maturity doesn't come as you age but it develops as you experience and learn. Okay here's my pet peeve of a life time. Besides the whole "no homo" thing, I don't think anything has bugged me as much as this. Okay, before it wasn't as bad but we're in
grade 12,
grow up, don't act like you're in grade 6. I just don't understand.
What the fuck is this suppose to mean :
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
SocialInterview.com asked me "What does Elaine Chan dream about?"
I answered ''easy, sam park'
Like seriously what the crap is that? I'm not mad at the fact that he says I dream about Sam. I'm not angry about that, I obviously do but it's just the meaning behind his answer. Like why the fuck do I have to dream about my boyfriend? Why is the answer easy? For all you know I fucking have nightmares about the Loch Ness monster every night ... It's not like I talk about my dreams with you. This is the same as when I tell people "I chilled with Sam yesterday" and they reply with " AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Like seriously, get the fuck over it. It's not an "aw" worthy event. No offense babes but my life doesn't center around your existence. Honestly if it did then I would tell myself "you don't know what a serious relationship is." Maybe I wouldn't be so peeved if he didn't add in the "easy" because he makes it seem as if it's the obvious. Like honestly, grow up. Not every action in my life is related to a boy. For example, if I'm making a heart, it's not obviously for Sam. If I'm busy, I'm not obviously busy with Sam. In addition to that, if I am with Sam don't go having dirty thoughts about it. We're not doing what you're thinking ... and don't start getting all giggly and going I'll leave you two alone. Someone did that once, and I was almost going to bitch at him for a good half hour. But he was a friend so I just talked it out. But, I just hate it when people get all googoogaga over simple relationship stuff. I really think we should be past that point. Pictures and presents you can "aw" over. Holding hands, hugging, riding the bus together or anything like that .. don't or else I'll probably consider punching your face concave.
Friday, November 6, 2009 Y 11:31 PM
THOUGHT: We've all got one destiny and its our job to achieve it. Some don't ever find it but the lucky few are the truly happy. Babes, I really am sure about this, about everything. In the beginning I doubted our future for many reasons. The first one obviously being a selfish one in which I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to be vulnerable. Even though we weren't in contact for 5 years once we started talking again I already trusted you way too much. I liked you way too fast. I was scared. I wanted to take things slow and keep my expectations low in order to protect myself
Second, I didn't want to hurt you. I could see your intentions were pure and that it was hard for you the first time we broke up. I had no intention of making you go through that again so I made sure you were .. aware of what reality was and what my expectations were. But I guess you saw reality earlier than I did.
Another thing is that I didn't want to be making promises that you or I couldn't keep. I don't like making empty promises and I don't like hurting people's feelings. I didn't want to be leading you on or deluding myself.
Regardless of all this though, I wanted and do want it babes. Everything just feels so right. In the past, it was always me trying to control destiny, to manipulate it to how I wanted it to be. I had convinced myself of things that weren't true and spent all my effort into getting what I wanted. But with you, it has always been different. Especially this time. With us,
everything just falls into place.
I want you to know that you're really not holding me back from anything. There really isn't anything in my life that i want to do, that I can't do without you. I want to do the same for you by supporting you in everything you want to do and learning with you. I believe that because we have our parent's support and everything's so perfect, I think we can make it. As long as we're honest with each other and ourselves and we stay committed. : ) I can't wait babes. I think it's gonna be amazing.
Sunday, November 1, 2009 Y 8:30 PM
THOUGHT: I deserve a slap on the knee .. better yet make it one in the face. It's not even the fact that I
could have caused damage to the car and I that I was going to get in trouble for that. It is the fact that I think I'm honestly dangerous. I could have really hurt someone. Obviously it has room for improvement but I never thought I was bad at it. I thought I was doing pretty well especially with my instructor. I never had the chance to practise but he never said anything so obviously I picked it up fairly quickly. Sometimes I forgot how to do things but after being reminded I could do them pretty well, well atleast to expectation. But really today showed me how bad I really am. I use to always just blame it on the stick because there's so much more to concentrate on but it's not that. It's my lack of judgement, a flaw in my observation and I'm definitely not up to par. I don't want to hurt anyone and I want to stop making hearts jump erratically everytime so maybe I should just take a break for a bit. I feel like someone that was expecting atleast a B+ that ended up getting a C- ..
