Sunday, October 25, 2009 Y 1:04 AM
THOUGHTS: The memories flow and they're interlaced with each and everyone of you. At the end of an amazing day as I'm reflecting back on everything, memories just come rushing at me. Each and everyone makes me smile. I don't think I can say I have a single bad memory with any of you. A year ago, 3ch+company would have been very different company. I'm not going to say that the company now is better, though I am happier, it's just different.
Ashley: You will always and forever be my twin. One of the few minds I can actually read when I need to ; ) (twin-tuition). I miss you so much and I feel as if we're in different worlds. I hardly get to see you anymore and it breaks my heart. But I am happy to say that when we do see each other, there is not an ounce of awkwardness. I can and always do still tell you everything. When I think back on our memories I think of new years at your old house, toasting everyone with bubbly apple juice and taking out our phones. At that time I believe I was going through my Kelvin phase, I remember trying to text him with my phone. I think .. you were with Andy. Eva? I don't think we were close with her yet. I remember all the missions, the church times, the late night talks and your roof !! Omg, I miss your roof so much. The only thing that could have made the sun salutation better is Eva : ) . My twinnie, through everything, you've helped me grow and understand myself. My world would be incomplete without you.
I love you to bits and pieces. Eva: Oh my darling, how I miss you so. We goto the same highschool and yet I probably haven't spent even half an hour with you during the whole week. However, I am glad to see you pursue your interest : ) . Only through action can you figure out what you want. But, I love you so much and you mean the world to me. Though sometimes, you can be a bit slow ; ) it's what makes you Eva and I wouldn't change anything. When I look back onto our memories there are so many events that just flash through my mind. I remember baking cookies, you and your lemonade .. well really that was only because there was nothing else to drink at my house x) . I still remember that thing with my water tank when I was trying to drink from it and I spilt it everywhere. You were there through out the whole Joanna thing and I will never forget you crying at fear fest. No offense, but it was pretty funny how we thought you were just breathing really hard at first and afterwards we were like " OH SHIT IS SHE CRYING ?!?!?!?" My life, my perspective, my values would be so different without you,
I love you to death and don't ever think otherwise.
3ch: There have been amazing times with you two and I have no clue who I would be without you guys. You have shaped me into who I am, who I want to be and I would not be the Elaine Chan I am today. Both of you have helped me through so much. Through every tear, every sob and every whine but also through all the smiles, laughs and smirks. I wouldn't change a single thing, you two perfect my life.
I LOVE YOU TWO, FOREVER AND ALWAYS. Samuel: Last but most definitely not least, there's you. Where do I start babes? Well, I love you like there's no tomorrow and if you understand my love for 3ch, then you understand my love for you. Like them, you make me want to do better, to be better for you. You are always on the top of my list, and I'm always thinking about you. You'll be happy to know that anything that has to do with you, can put a smile on my face. You are actually such a considerate, understanding person under everything. I honestly never would have guessed about your personality. You've got a hard personality but you're not mean or anything just ... tough I guess. But really on the inside, you're such an amazing person. You're kinda like a roasted marshmellow ; ) . Anyways, the main thing is, I love you. To be honest, the first memory I actually have of you is when we broke up in gr8. The details of that day I can't actually remember but the whole breaking up part, I remember as clear as day. I remember sitting on the floor and looking up at you telling you that I was already working on our anniversary present so how could I not want to be with you. Then you said something like you still weren't sure or you didn't know if we should stay together. That was when it clicked. I was like wait ... do
you still want to be with me ? You didn't say anything so I took it as a no. I remember walking away hyperventilating really more than crying and pulling Angelica away to tell her that we broke up. I remember people coming around me but I didn't have a clue who they were, I heard voices but didn't register them with anyone. Then I remember going to my locker and going to french class where I think we ended up playing monopoly and well that's about it. I'm not telling you all this to be crude and to make you feel bad, I just want you to know that our chemistry is so strong that it servived 5 years of seperation. I loved you enough to still love you even though I was heartbroken. But remember, I don't regret breaking up with you. I think it did us good. You realized how amazing I am ; ) . But really, I don't think we would have lasted highschool. I just wished that we got back together sooner so I'd have more time with you. We've only been together for 4 months but I feel like we simply picked up from where we left off and that nothing's changed. We're just closer, better and more expressive. Sometimes, I can feel myself slipping into old habits. I can feel myself wanting attention and getting mad at you or something for no reason, and the stupid thing is, I know what I'm doing but I just can't stop myself. Just don't get too mad at me or get bored of me too quickly, just give me a little heads up so I wouldn't be as lost and confused. But memory wise, everyday's a memory, everyday's valuable, but the best days are when I pore my heart out to you and you always respond perfectly. The only memory I have of us in the old relationship was Andy's birthday, the bowling alley, the movie theatre and for some reason, you on my drive way picking up your birthday present during gr7 summer. Everything's been so amazing, I feel as if I'm living a dream.
I love you babes and you'll always have my heart. It's not that my heart's been divided into 3. It's that with each new addition my heart grows and at this point right now .. all I can say is that my heart is
HUGE
Sunday, October 18, 2009 Y 9:35 PM
THOUGHTS:
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
You give me the courage everyday to face my fears. You give me the strength to walk shoulder to shoulder to those I shy away from. You give me the ability to appreciate myself. You give me the push I need to step out of my comfort zone. Because you've given me so much joy, countless laughs and held my hand the whole way that I know I'll be okay. I know that regardless of what's in our future, I'll be able to face it with a smile. I just have to keep reminding myself to enjoy the day, let the happiness consume me and let the thoughts of the future remain in the future. ( :
I love you and I'll never let you go. You are number one. You'll always be in my heart.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 Y 10:43 PM
THOUGHT: Quality over quantityI've definitely got a mouthful today.
1. I don't give a shit anymore. I've stopped caring a long time ago and you can think what you want. I know you don't know what I'm talking about, you can guess, you can assume and you can take those assumptions and
shove it up your ass.2. I wish everything was simple. Your friends were your friends, your family was always your family and the only secret you had was the guy you started crushing on 2 months ago.
3. The best sound I've ever heard is the sound of family. Whenever my parents come back, the upper floor is in complete chaos, lights are on, piano's playing and everyone's talking, I love it. I fall asleep best with all the talking, it's music to my ears and I miss it a lot sometimes. Especially now that I know how to appreciate it.
