THOUGHT: It was first played with a rolled-up boxing glove and a broom by George Hancock.
I just have to say .. how much I LOVE softball. Some people say its like a ripped off/easier version of baseball but .. so what ?! It's so much easier to hit and catch. In addition to this, I play in a non-competitive league so it really is just all about the fun and the team. Everyone on Genesis has become like my family in just a few short simple months and it is pretty much like a reunion this summer and the bonds can only get stronger. Playing softball is one of the few things that I sincerely want to improve on and every time I don't do well, I disappoint myself.

On a slightly related note, yesterday at a tournament one of my team mates was hit in the head just under the eyebrow with the ball. It made a loud crack and before anyone knew it, he was bleeding. It was the scariest thing ever and the only thing I could do to stop myself from crying was to keep busy. Running from the diamond, to the car and back seemed to have really calmed my nerves. I haven't seen such a serious injury before and I've never seen someone taken away by an ambulance. It truly was frightening and I was so worried. I thank God he's okay. If he was someone close that had gotten hurt, I don't even know what I would have done and I definately wouldn't have just been able to just sit and wait for the ambulance to arrive (which btw took atleast 15 minutes).

THOUGHT: It's a risk. Risk = possibility for a loss. So then I'm gambling.
I don't know. Everytime it just gets harder to seperate. The want doesn't end. But neither does my conscience. Internal organs vs internal organs = major conflict = confusion = major dislike. I know its not right, I know I should stop, I know it won't go away. But I don't want to. Mr. Chocolate you are my downfall, my uncontrollable factor in life. But is this control I really want to have ?

Teehee I totally sound like a fatty. I love it : ) .

THOUGHT: Happiness is to love living. Embrace life with optimism.
There are two things in my life that I really don't want to let go of. But letting go is inevitable and who knows when it'll return.

So my dad came back and Tuesday. The warmth that fills my house and the glow I feel inside my heart really is irreplaceable. Although the family's not complete yet, the closer we get the happier I feel. But, this glow will disappear in a couple weeks. I'll deal and I'll forget the feeling. Sometimes, I'd rather they not come back, unless they're staying. It's easier to deal that way. But I'll enjoy this now and take advantage of this feeling I have now.

Right now there's another kind of warmth in my heart. It's like a tickle and it makes me smile. Sadly, I can feel myself slipping, falling deeper but I know I can't and I won't let myself. So if I can't hold my place right now, I'll have to pull myself out. You know it, I know it and I can't commit to something that I know is going to end because I'll just be setting myself up. It's like someone going into the deep end of the pool, when they can't swim. If they let go or go any deeper they'll probably drown. They'll hold onto the place the are now to test their ability, but they know, they'll have to pull themselves out because they can't go all the way.

I'll enjoy these feelings now and when they're gone, I can atleast be happy I got to experience them and I'll grow from them. I can't hold on to them forever, so I'll let them go. Happiness is always achievable.

THOUGHT: Real - not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory: Genuine (marriam webster)
I would like to dedicate this blog to my English buddy Brian Chew. He's a very crude, opinionated, blunt, even rude and sometimes oblivious to social conducts of life. You're probably wondering, like everyone else, why I even talk to this guy because he sounds like a jerk! Well he is, but he's not insulting nor does he feel the need to demean other people. He is the only person that I know that I can say is real. What I mean is that with Brian, there's none of this fake bullshit and he says what's on his mind. I love that about him. Yes, sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I feel that he's pretty inappropriate and pretty annoying. But most of the time I'm not, and I find him hilarious! But, you have to be able to approach him with an open mind or he'll just piss the shit out of you. Besides his personality he's actually very knowledgeable and smart. He has a deep insight in life. He doesn't seek the approval of others or his society, which is why I say he is oblivious to social conduct. For example, whispering in class is not something he does and he doesn't really know when to shut up sometimes. But I find this factor in him very humorous. However, having been in his class at least once a year since entering high school, I've also seen a softer side of him. He is sensitive to personal situations (like when I told him I broke up with my boyfriend) and he also has a sweet side of him (eg. his valentines day gift for his gf). This dynamic and eccentric boy, which I sit beside in English does find ways to brighten up my day and can lead interesting and intriguing conversations. I have learned much through him. I have no idea what I would do in English with out him. Hope I've got him in one of my classes next year because his awesomeness is not something I want to lose : ).

THOUGHT: I use to think that it was easier to forgive and forget, but I'd rather forget than forgive.
When I told you, I could already hear the judgment in your voice. That's when we stopped being best friends

First of all, I used you ?! Say WHAT ! Who the fuck helped you pass your courses ? Who the fuck fixed your broken ass computer ? Who the fuck downloaded all 200 songs for you and fucking ordered them on HER computer ? Who the fuck listened to you whine and cry about how horrible your life was ?! I USED YOU ! What exactly did I use you for ?! Your intelligence ? Your money ? Your sense of compassion ? RIGHT.

Whoever said "blood is thicker than water" (I think that's how the quote goes) is damn right. Both of you go and fucking complain that I ditched you guys. That I left and I was the one that broke our friendship when after all the shit that went down you didn't even try to contact me in ANY form.

To the first one. All I have to say is don't go and fucking tell me (or anyone else) that you did it because you were best friends when we weren't even talking at that time. Don't lie to my face and say you did it for my own good because I know you didn't ! You knew you were wrong because after it happened, if you were my fucking best friend you would have gone home with me that day. I would have been crying on your shoulders but NO. The next time that we actually talked was when I, yes ME, messaged you and said that I wanted to talk to you about what happened. When I proved to your face that all you said was bullshit you stopped talking. After that I knew it was over. Also, when I wrote my note on the internet and you said that everyone knew it was me talking shit about you. I don't know how the fuck anyone knew because I didn't tell anyone except for maybe Ashley, Eva and Will what happened. I only told people that wouldn't have said jack shit so how did everyone know ?

I'm so pissed off right now. SHIT SON. lol. that's my phrase of the week. I doubt I'll forget. But I've forgiven, for now. But if any of you bitches ever read this. Don't take pride in the fact that you do have the ability to piss me off because I've never once regretted anything that's happened in my life. The person I am now, is who I want to be so I guess I can thank you guys for that.

THOUGHT: As stated by Martin Luther King Jr., "Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent."
Right now in my life I can't even begin to express how content I am with my life. Everything is perfect the way it is, for now : ) . Not too long ago, I was confused and had no idea what to do. My mind was vexed and I did not know how to solve that problem. In the end? I did what I knew in my heart would make me happy, not what would make the people around me happy.

This is one of the most important lessons to learn in life. Pleasing everyone is not going to happen so stop trying. Also, it is not necessary for you to walk all over other people and make their lives miserable to make yourself happy. Lastly, happiness cannot be gained through someone else' happiness. In order to make other people happy, you need to know what is best and will make you happy. I'm not talking about happiness in this very second and this very minute. I'm talking happiness in the long run. Contentment through success and achievement.

To all those stuck in an unhappy relationship: being free is such a liberating feeling. I'm not saying that I want to be single my whole life, definitely not single my whole life. But maybe your relationship isn't working simply because you two need time away from each other. No matter how horrible that may sound in this moment and time. Sometimes it is for the best.

When my parents told me I was too young to date, they were right ! As teenagers we're unstable ! So how can we possibly maintain a stable relationship ? With age comes stability, but right now, it's a time of experiments, testing your limits and discovering who you really are. You can't do that when you've become attached to someone else. They begin to define who you are and slowly you are molded into who they want you to be instead of who you really are.

In general, I can always commit in a couple years, but for now, freedom's my recipe for happiness. Freedom: liberation from restraint or from the power of another.

THOUGHT: It's always best to be able to express your inner most thoughts in some form, that way you actually know what your inner thoughts are.
So, I took this charmed quiz on facebook to find out which power I possess and it said that I would have the power of telepathy: "You are a telepath and you possess the magical ability to read the thoughts of others. This power is originally passive but if the being near you is magical, you can use your gift to tap into their powers and even use them for a short period of time." LOL that's amazing ! Well I think it is. I also forgot to mention that another reason I want to be able to read minds (besides knowing if the person I'm talking to is a fraud) is because I guess you could say I'm a control freak, where, I like to know all my details. I don't like being confused. When this involves my social life, I, more often then not, am confused. I don't like it. I also like being able to know what someone's first impressions of me were. Like do I come off too strong ? Am I socially awkward ? I mean if I never find out, I'll never improve ! o.o
So yea .. telepath. Isn't that such a coinkeedink ? : )
(just like to say first post in may ! yay I have two archives now ! :D )

- See the world
- Get a two pac
- Complete my bucket list
- Grow two inches

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